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Katlego Owami is an entrepreneur from Botswana who has grown up with and cared for her autistic brother. She founded the media brand Sistaz That Love to support other sisters with special needs siblings to take better care of their own mental health. Currently including an Instagram community, WhatsApp group and podcast, 18-year-old Katlego continues to build the brand, alongside studying for a university degree in Hungary.
Tell me about your online community for sibs of disabled people. How and why did it all come about?
I built the community Sistaz That Love. I call it Sistaz because they are sisters who just immensely love their sibs so much that they forget about themselves in the process. That’s how the name came about.
I just realised that as a sib, the feelings, the experience, can be a lot. And no one was talking about it. I was like: ‘Am I the only one??’ I discovered the Special Needs Sibling podcast and I heard these women talk about this. I was like: ‘Oh, so I’m not the only one!’
I want more of us like to talk about this. I want people to feel seen, I want them to be heard, because talking about these things is so uncomfortable. Especially as a black girl it’s really uncomfortable, because we are taught to be quiet, to not say these things.
That’s why I started this whole thing. I just wanted to get outta my comfort zone and just do something that will make someone out there just feel seen and heard. Someone who is like me, a sib, a sister who, yes, loves their sib, but honestly, the experience is just sometimes really intense and not easy at all.
When you grow up, you start to realize: ‘Oh my God, this has impacted my identity. Do I even know who I am apart from being a sister?’
The whole identity… should I call it a crisis? I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what makes me happy. I don’t know because I’ve been taking so much time and effort to do things that make my sib happy. What makes him happy? I know it, yes. But what makes me happy? I don’t even know.
What’s the hardest thing and the best thing about being a sib?
The hardest thing definitely is the responsibility that comes with it. This feeling like I can never make a mistake. Because if I make this mistake, I’m letting myself down.
If I don’t achieve ‘this’ by ‘this’ age, how am I gonna be able to support my sib? This overwhelming responsibility that I need to make sure that everyone is okay and I need to make sure that I do everything right.
In my country, the sibs have to take care of their sibs, right? We don’t have day centres, there are no resources like that in Botswana. Day care is for little kids. If your sib is 20-something, there’s nothing like that. If your parents are still there, that’s so good, ’cause they’ll help and chip in and if there are nice family members, yes, some chip in. But, yeah, if you’re alone and you have a sibling, it can really be hard.
It’s intense. The responsibility that comes with it is just… it’s really intense. I think that’s the hardest part because you can’t be irresponsible in any way. The feeling that I should not disappoint my parents. It’s overwhelming.
The best part honestly, is the love you have. Having a sib is the most amazing thing because they just love you. Especially now I’m in Hungary, so far away from him, I miss him so much. Like he would come and hug me right now. He’s just so affectionate. He’s autistic so sometimes he gets angry and agitated because of his condition – yes. But he is just the nicest person ever. His love is just amazing.
What do you wish non-siblings understood about sibhood?
I wish they understood that it can really be overwhelming and sometimes you need to check on someone. Ask someone how they are doing. I know us sibs, we’re like: ‘Yeah, I’m fine. I’m okay.’ But just try to sit down with someone and ask how they are doing, because it can be overwhelming having no one to talk to.
It’s something I’ve like been struggling with so much. The things I’m saying on the community on Instagram are the lessons I’m trying to really teach myself. You should learn to be able to say how you’re feeling, like: ‘I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m not okay.’ And it’s okay to say that, it’s not a bad thing.
What else would you like other sibs to know?
Like I say in my Instagram community, you deserve to take care of yourself. Because how can you be able to continue giving and giving – and not giving to yourself in the long run? It’s just not gonna be sustainable. You have to invest in yourself.
This is something I’ve never had anyone telling me. It just came to me. I have to take care of me. Yeah! It’s so important because there’s nothing as painful as just giving to everyone and forgetting that you matter too. There’s so much resentment that’s gonna come from that.
I’m working on that for sure and really trying to advise other sisters. Especially women; it’s so easy for us to give. This whole thing has been instilled in us by the society that we have to give and give and take care of everyone. What about us?
You just need to take care of yourself. You just have to, and it does not mean that you’re selfish. No. And it doesn’t make you any less loving of your sib. No, it doesn’t. It makes you even more loving because you’re trying to make sure that you show up in the best possible way for them by showing up for yourself too.
Sistaz That Love:
Instagram
WhatsApp group
Podcast